I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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