Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
