wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize