It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
