Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
