1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
