I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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