Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
