If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
