I need help removing her.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
