You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
