i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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