guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
