just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how drunk are you?
Several
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
