i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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