Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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