I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize