I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize