Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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