just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
