i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
