my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
