I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
