meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
