You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She's the barista slut.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
