I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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