my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
