Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
