i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
