wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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