I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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