i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
