wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
