The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
