She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
