Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
