the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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