I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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