Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
