Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
