I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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