How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
