I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
