hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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