i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
