i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
