Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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