alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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