guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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