I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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