You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
