I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
