so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
