please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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