Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
