Pants 0. Shit 1.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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