if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
