I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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