aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
