Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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