U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
