cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
