That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
