good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize