Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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