A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
