Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize