Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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